The B-Roll #11

This is the eleventh edition of my weekly newsletter, The B-Roll. Thank you for coming along for the ride. 

Dear friend,I haven't written to you since December. What I didn't realize at the time was that I wasn't coming around the bend from a depressive episode-it was the beginning of the fall into the abyss that last for the past 4 months. I kicked off 2022 by myself with a fresh positive COVID diagnosis that took over the last 2 of the 3 weeks of my time in Istanbul. Then it was back to Seattle and getting back into the swing of things. It was not an easy period. But this time, there is finally light. The fact that I'm here writing this to you is proof of that. Today, I'm 37 years old. I spent a little time reading through some of my older birthday blog posts and I'm quite proud of how far I've come. Here are a few of my favorite snippets:30th: "I've always talked about looking for the people who can sing back the words to my song when I forget the lyrics. The moments that matter are when we can't be there 100% but the ones around us can take charge, like a relay. They're the ones we trust with the most precious torch of all - our heart."32nd: "I wouldn't call it an unconventional life. We get so caught up with labels and telling everyone how they should or shouldn't be living their life. I am so over that."34th: "This is 34. It's about not only growing out of my own comfort zone, and remembering that I will grow out of other people's comfort zones. It's knowing that I do not have to apologize for either. This is 34. It's being able to stop saying "I'm too much" and instead, pivoting to proudly owning my personality without feeling the need to shrink to fit into anyone's expectations. It's loving things and people passionately and enthusiastically without justifying my feelings."36th:"This is 36. A personal brand so strong that my closest friends regularly “replicate my selfie face.” A personality so effervescent that the ridiculous spills across borders. A heart so resilient that I know I'll always make it through. A brain so combative that fights against me, but most days, it fights for me."This is 37.17-year-old Berrak would be so proud of me, even though I'm not living her dream of being a lawyer. 27-year-old Berrak would be proud of me for getting out, starting over, and tackling my demons.37-year-old Berrak is proud of the life she's built.I don't have any grand declarations for this year. If there's one thing I've learned (even more so through the pandemic), it's about the small steps that add up to big moments when we look back on our lives.Today, I will be getting a hot stone massage and spending my night the same way I do every Friday night: Dinner with my chosen family and a dance party with my favorite 6-year-old. Tomorrow and every day, I'll continue to bring my one-of-a-kind Berrak energy into the world, in whatever shape that takes day to day. I'll keep making mistakes. I'll keep learning. I'll keep showing up to life.And with any luck, it won't be another 4 months before you get a letter from me.

LANGUAGE CORNER: What's in a name?

Berrak Sarıkaya literally translates to "Clear Yellowrock"

I do love my name because it's not just unique outside of Turkiye. Berrak is not a very common name (I share it with a couple of famous actress/models).  

Another translation is "limpid" which is the most common usage in Turkish because you'd use Berrak as an adjective when describing bodies of water.

My parents clearly had high hopes for me.

What's the meaning behind your name?

Ramadan Mubarak (April 2- May 2)

(I wrote a

blog post

a few years ago about my relationship with Ramazan and answering a few FAQs.)

"Let's love. Let us be loved."

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Thanks for reading this far, friend. As with everything in life, this will be a work-in-progress and you can always hit "Reply" to give me feedback, commentary, or your thoughts on the topic of the letter.Until next time, I wish you a sane and healthy week.With love,