The B-Roll #20

My view as I write this letter

This is the twentieth edition of my newsletter, The B-Roll. Thank you for coming along for the ride. If you think someone in your life might also enjoy these letters, please share this with them.

Hey friend,

I’m not sure where to begin, so I guess I’ll begin with today. It’s been 3 weeks since I got to Istanbul and today is the first day when the humidity didn’t destroy me. I’m even wearing a hoodie while I’m writing on the balcony. I’m staying at the same apartment as my last trip here, which was actually kind of a head trip. I fell asleep for an afternoon nap in the first couple of days I was here and when I woke up, I was so incredibly confused. It was one of those hard naps where you lose track of time and space, and the fact that I’m staying at the same apartment made it feel like I hadn’t left. 

It’s a blessing and a curse.

To be honest, I’m kind of scared this time around. This isn’t just a trip. This is my attempt at the next chapter in my life. It feels as big as when I moved to Seattle (almost) 10 years ago. I’m blowing up my life in pursuit of creating a life that encapsulates the best parts of my homes. No big deal.

It almost feels greedy and at the same time, it can feel lonely as fuck. Yesterday was one of those days. I fell into a depression black hole because I felt lost and I wished I could just walk over to my best friend’s house to hug my little man and have a glass of wine with her. The time difference also makes it harder to just hop on a video call to see my friends’ faces. 

Big leaps. 

It’s where I thrive, once I can manage the loneliness. It’s a different brand of loneliness each time.

Today, I joined a gym. Once I find out whether or not I’ve gotten this *dream job*, I’ll be able to make other moves, like signing up for dance classes and planning travel. If I don’t get the job, the plans will have to be put on hold. 

I’m in limbo. It’s clearly my favorite place to be. 

***

Some highlights from the last couple of weeks:

• I went on a date last week. An actual date with an actual Turkish man at an actual restaurant. It was kind of adorable and also weird because there was live music, and here was this man who could relate to how those songs made me feel. Turns out he grew up just a couple of streets from my childhood home. It was a great night. I’m not sure if we’ll hang out again but I’m grateful for the experience. 

• I fucked up my ankle, again. Because obviously.

• I’ve been interviewing for this incredible job opportunity. In the last two weeks, I’ve had 5 interviews, one of them being a case study presentation. I’m supposed to find out this week if I’ve got the job or not. I am fuh-reaking out.

• I was here to celebrate my oldest friend’s birthday for the first time in…well, 30 years.

• My first week here was the first time my brother and I were in Turkiye (specifically Istanbul) at the same time for over 16 years. It was overwhelming and it was exhausting and we’re still trying to learn how to be good to each other when we’re feeling overwhelmed. We had a good conversation today, and it’s going to be a lifelong journey of growing together.

• I’ve drank a lot of rakı 😂

• I found out that when I’m texting with someone in Turkish and they send me this emoji (🙄), it actually means that they’re wondering/curious? Let’s just say it caused a lot of misunderstandings until I finally asked my cousin about it and he told me.

 ***

No language or sharing corner as I get my bearings, but I just really missed writing to you.

How are you? 

What’s been going on in your world?

***

Thanks for reading this far, friend. As with everything in life, this is a continuous work-in-progress and you can always hit "Reply" to give me feedback, commentary, or your thoughts on the topic of the letter.Until next time, I wish you a sane and healthy week.With love,