The B-Roll #7

This is the seventh edition of my weekly newsletter, The B-Roll. Thank you for coming along for the ride. 

“For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), it’s always our self we find in the sea.”

- e.e. cummings

Hey you,

I'm writing this sitting outside of a café in Istanbul in a neighborhood that I haven't explored before. Actually, it's a café I came across on IG because I feel like a tourist in my own home sometimes. 

But that's the point of this year's trip. To keep exploring and find corners of the city that I can make my own. 

Last night, after dinner with my friend of 30 years, the very first friend I ever made, I wandered down the hill from my AirBnB. I had seen a wine bar tucked away and wanted to check it out. Thanks to my best friend Michelle, I love exploring new wines. But I don't know a lot about Turkish wines, so I asked the server for his recommendation. He went "easy" on me, thinking I didn't know what kind of wine I liked. Then I asked him about the different grapes and the owner ended up coming over. 

My Turkish is fluent but my vocabulary can feel limited at times. Even as tired as I was, being able to hold my own in a conversation with the owner of a wine bar felt like a milestone. 

I'm hopeful about this trip, even though it got off to a very rocky start.

***

I barely slept the night before because I was having my usual travel anxiety but it was more than that. At the peak of an anxiety attack, I almost backed out of coming home. After the chaos of the last few months, the fact that it was starting to feel *easy* freaked me out. 

The familiar fear of not having a place in my own home came back with a vengeance. 

My flight to LAX was fairly easy, but then for the next few hours, I was miserable until I was finally able to check in and made myself to the lounge. My first time with that experience. I took a shower, got some food in me, grabbed a glass of champagne and got to work. 

I remembered that I'm a 36 year old experienced traveler and professional who's not an imposter. I belong in the rooms I walk into because I make them my own. 

First time flying business class on an international trip, I didn't feel out of place. 

***

While Seattle is my chosen home, my soul belongs to İstanbul. But not just İstanbul. 

It belongs to the sea. 

The smell of the sea in the air, the sound of the waves crashing and the horns of the ferries, the way I never feel seasick although I've been perpetually carsick my entire life. 

My second morning here, I woke up, walked 3K steps downhill until I found the sea and got on the first ferry. It didn't matter where it was going. The only thing that mattered in that moment is being out on the water. 

I can swim in every body of water in the world. None of them will compare to the Sea of Marmara, the Aegean, and the Mediterranean.

I was forged in those waters. 

I will always belong here. 

***

Where in the world does your soul feel at peace?***

LANGUAGE CORNER: Nazar değmesin 🧿

In Turkish, when something goes wrong for someone, they say that the “Nazar” touched him: 

“Nazar değdi”

.

So, today's expression is "şeytan kulağına kurşun" which literally translates to "lead to devil's ear," a phrase used after something that could go wrong works out without any problems.

***

Thanks for reading this far, friend. As with everything in life, this will be a work-in-progress and you can always hit "Reply" to give me feedback, commentary, or your thoughts on the topic of the letter.Until next time, I wish you a sane and healthy week.With love,