The B-Roll #9

This is the ninth edition of my weekly newsletter, The B-Roll. Thank you for coming along for the ride. 

The fog descended without warning. I went inside to take a couple of calls and the first thing I noticed once I was off my last call were the frequency of the foghorns. I went back out on my balcony and could barely see 10 feet in front of me. 

The view of the sea and the ships?

Forget about it.

The next day, the fog was still there and it completely derailed people's plans since the ferries were cancelled. I was standing on the pier and almost felt like I could just keep walking forward, as if there was no water ahead of me.

The fog descended without warning, enveloping half of the city, but across the water, my family had no idea. The fog was just around my part of the world and they were bewildered to hear about the ferries being cancelled.

That's how depression feels. 

You can't explain to those around you that you're enveloped by a fog because the air around them is clear. 

With depression, there is no way to take a picture to show them how it looks and feels. There's just the words you try to string together, which come out jumbled at times because how can you describe the weight that's taking away your strength?

It took a couple of days for the fog to clear.

I wonder about the plans that were interrupted. I wonder if the ships being unable to cross the strait meant that a business somewhere didn't get their supplies. I wonder if a person that was relying on the ferry ride had to pay extra to take a taxi to cross the bridge, stuck in traffic, with the cost being 10X of the ferry. Maybe the money they paid for the taxi was the last thing they had left in their wallet until their next paycheck.

The repercussions of even the shortest period of being debilitated by the fog could reverberate for days or weeks for some people. 

***

That was Friday night.

I began writing this Saturday night after spending the day with my mom, my aunts, and my grandmother. While it was a good time, it was mentally and physically exhausting.

I began writing with the voices of the kids in the park across the street singing along to some of my favorite 90s songs.

Nostalgia descended on me as quickly as that fog.

I began thinking about the what ifs of my childhood again. What if we hadn't moved to the US when I was 10? What would my teenage years and early 20s look like? 

Then I began thinking about my mom.

What would her life would look like if she was diagnosed and began treatment 20 years ago?

I got lost in my feels.

So here I am, on Monday morning, having recovered from the fog, trying to explain the fog to you.

***

I love being home but with the time difference, I'm still trying to find my way back to feeling connected with my friends on the other side of the world.

***

 Tell me something about your week. Or your month. Whatever's going on in your world.  

LANGUAGE CORNER: A phrase I say the most often when I'm home

"Kolay gelsin" literally translates to "May it come easy." It's an expression used to wishing ease to a person doing a task. It's one of the most commonly used expressions in Turkish but it doesn't have an exact equivalent in English, which is kind of weird. For example, when I'm getting out of a taxi cab, I say "kolay gelsin" to the taxi driver. It means good luck with traffic, hope you get good fares, take it easy...all at once.

"Take it easy" doesn't have quite the same impact. "Godspeed" doesn't come as naturally. I guess, for the nerds, "May the force be with you" could work. 

So, to all of you out there tackling the day and life,

kolay gelsin

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 SHARING CORNER: I have been doing quite a bit of reading lately. I found a bar near my apartment that is easily about to become my "cheers" because it's chill, I've gotten to know a couple of the bartenders, and I read there for 3 hours Friday night without being interrupted. 

• My grandmother asked me to tell you she's sorry: If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I've grown quite fond of Fredrik Backman's writing. The first one of his books that I read was Anxious People last year (when I was in Turkey, actually). This book is another lovely tale told from the perspective of an 8-year-old and it's quite moving. The way Fredrik weaves a story is impeccable.

• People We Meet on Vacation: This is quite a different one from the book above but I read these back to back. People We Meet on Vacation is lighter and an easier read, but lovely nonetheless.

• When No One is Watching: I read this one on the plane to Istanbul and I can't remember if I've already shared it with you. It's a gripping thriller and I honestly haven't stopped thinking about it.

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Thanks for reading this far, friend. As with everything in life, this will be a work-in-progress and you can always hit "Reply" to give me feedback, commentary, or your thoughts on the topic of the letter.Until next time, I wish you a sane and healthy week.With love,